PERHAPS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN A RELATIONSHIP

We love asking both our clients and our friends and family what issue they particularly have interest in learning more about.

Most of them, over and over, say:

Communication.

It seems that all of us have most likely experienced some level of breakdown in our communication with a loved one, a friend, or a coworker.

What is it that destroys communication in so many relationships?

Is it indifference? Self-importance? Ignorance?

Are those reasons, or just excuses?

A relationship will grow more distant without good communication.

We can never grow closer without quality communication.

If you find that communication between you and someone you care about is becoming more challenging and you're ready to start the journey of growing closer - here are a few things you can do:

~ Talk openly and honestly about your communication patterns. How can you both intentionally take steps to improve your communication patterns? Talks like this tend to spark deeper conversations, allowing you to build upon this foundation.

~ Learn to ask the right questions.

Are your questions specific and non-threatening?

The more specific you are with your questions, the better chance you have of getting a substantive response, which has a chance to evolve into a deeper and more meaningful conversation.

Check your tone for any passive-aggressive, accusatory or agenda-filled energy behind what you're asking.

~ Stay curious.

Curiosity is the catalyst for growing relationships.

~ Look for common interests.

Sometimes communication lacks because you don’t have enough to talk about; your personal interests are different and you may not have enough common ground between you to support frequent communication. Look for areas in which you can develop something you have in common. Make an effort to learn about the things they are interested in. It will give you things to talk about, and it will also demonstrate to that person the lengths you are willing to go in order to get closer and improve your communication.

~ Listen carefully for what may be underneath what they're saying.

Listen for what's not being said; watch their body language. Sometimes people cannot express what their deeper feelings or thoughts are; help them feel safe and listened to so they can gradually open up more.

Our wish is that we can all find greater intimacy with all those we care about, and that these tips (and other Loving Partnership tips and tools ), set the stage for the type of healthy communication patterns that sustain it.